Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
