make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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