honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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