mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
