I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Say something about gay babies.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
