Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
