Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
