I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
