The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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