I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
