dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Blood and glitter go together right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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