It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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