Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
