So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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