I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
