two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
