wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
