I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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