My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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