i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
