i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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