I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
