the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dicks are not precious.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
