if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
