Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
