I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
