didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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