I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Mom said you looked used
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
