Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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