You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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