I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
