so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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