Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
