I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
