y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
