I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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