I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
