your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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