It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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