She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
