He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
