i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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