Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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