i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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