my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
