The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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