the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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