dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
