he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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