I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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