did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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