worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
